I find it interesting that I have no friends. All my life I have been surrounded by people at home, at school, at work, at the grocery store, and yet I find myself only hanging out with my husband or family. I don’t seclude myself and I don’t turn down offers to chill with people who ask … I just no longer get any invitations. I used to have friends. I used to have church friends, and high school friends, and college friends, and friends of friends, but now it’s just me and the hubby, my family and his, and that’s it. I know what you’re thinking: “Where did all your friends go?” Let’s start at the beginning.
I grew up in a fairly large church, complete with social hours, and youth groups, and teens my age, including my soon to be husband, Zach. Together we would go for car rides, go shopping, go out to dinner, get coffee, play games, etc. It was a lot of fun and I loved my church friends, but soon everyone went off to college or work, moved away, switched churches, and lost touch.
My high school friends experience was much the same, but despite people moving away to college or work, I was able to stay connected to a few close friends who made catching up on winter breaks and summer vacations a priority. College for me was a whole different ball game. I met some of the nicest, kindest, friendliest people in the world, and we grew closer than any of my previous friendships simply because of what we went through together. Living in close quarters, studying until we crashed, dealing with professors and workloads, recitals and graduations; my college friends supported me through it all and I supported them. I still love and talk to my classmates from Eastern, but we no longer share meals together, watch movies together, go shopping or get coffee. My college friends live in Pennsylvania, Delaware, New Jersey, Ohio, Florida, and Washington. Talk about a long distance relationship.
That just leaves my trusty high school friends, right? Wrong. Catching up soon became less and less of a priority to my friends. Jobs moved people to different towns, and then to different states. Other friends became more important, and my phone rang less and less. I haven’t even been married two years and I no longer speak to two of my bridesmaids. Everyone said once I got married I would change. They said I wouldn’t want to hang out with people anymore; basically that Zach and I would become hermits and forget about our friends. Would you believe none of that came true? We did not become hermits, we did not forget about our friends, and we probably wanted to hang out even more now that we could leave from the same house! I offered my home for gatherings, I suggested cool new things to do together … I even called just to chat. The responses went from, “Sorry, I can’t tonight, but maybe later,” to downright refusal to pick up the phone or return my messages. Seriously, I can take a hint.
So now I have Zach, and I have my family, and that’s pretty much it. It has taken me a while, but I believe I am finally at peace about it. I am not defined by the people who want to hang out with me. If anything, it's their loss because I have so much to give. I am kind, and generous, I put others first, and I know how to make people laugh. I care about people so much that I seem to get hurt twice as often, but that won’t change who I am. I am defined by how I act, and how I love, and if I don’t fit into your life, that just gives me more time to spend with people who truly appreciate me.
I love my family and my wonderful husband, and if that’s all I have for now, I seriously can’t complain.
Xoxo Liz
